Malaysia is sinking and people are drowning. Today, we reached highest cases ever recorded (9353) and Melaka, out of nowhere, had an unexpected surge (853). Ya Allah, please put an end to this as soon as possible. Prior to the outbreak, I was happy. So happy that I think I finally got everything together despite some hiccups in life which is normal. Like, I got this, man. My mental health has never been better. The wounds from past trauma were recovering and I knew I was healing. 

It was progressing well until the first MCO was implemented. That was when everything starting to go down the hill. Back in a dark hole I was in during my teenage years (lol macam dah lama sangat je). What I hate the most is having to live through my trauma again. Getting flashbacks and nightmares are so distressing. Online classes and the piled-up assignments only add more salt into the wound. I get anxious so often, Istg, it is dreadful. Not only that, the strong urge to disappear and move far away from everyone I know here kicked in again. The last time I really felt like this was during high school years. So, I know that I was not in a good mental state. I was so fragile and extremely sensitive. One wrong move even the slightest one could spiral me down like an avalanche. 

When I hit rock bottom earlier this year, I know I have to do something about it. I don't want to dwell in matter that is fixable. I cried enough and isolate myself enough. It is time to do something about it because I know it can be fixed with clear communication. So, I called Alis and right away burst into tears and sobbing. I think that was her first time to hear me cry hahah. I am always this ball of positivity around people and never really be vulnerable to that extent 😬 So, yeah I let everything out. Felt relieved and to cut the story short, things definitely got better. Somehow. It was weird because the other two friends who are entangled in this issue has zero clue about this. Alhamdulillah though hehe but recently I did open up to them and now I think the issue was petty.  I am no longer affected if such issue ever occur again unless it is prolonged. You must be wondering what's the issue, right? Hahah that is a secret I'll never tell 🤫 *cue Gossip Girl opening song*

From what I noticed, I rebound quicker than I was before because I don't dwell on my problems. I do let myself feel sad and fall apart for some time. Few days are okay for me but not more than a week. It will do more harm. 

However, right now, our country is in a dire situation 😓 We are crumbling and I absolutely have no idea what can I do to make the situation better. I have played my part by staying at home. I feel hopeless and I am no longer this ball I said I was huhu 😢 Till then. 

Byebye.